Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
