So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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