I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
