You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
