thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
