i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
