I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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