At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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