I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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