The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
either way he was missing a nipple.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
