you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
