My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
