i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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