from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
