DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
