i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
