If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
