Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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