everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
