I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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