I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
