I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
