btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize