It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
