started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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