she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
