what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
