I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize