got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
