New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize