its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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