I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
