I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
