well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
