Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
