So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
