Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
