dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
