you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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