If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
