She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
