You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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