I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
