I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Enjoy the penises
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
