dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My first STD was from a foam party
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
