my sisters under your porch take her home
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
