belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I need to sanitize my soul.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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