Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
