watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
