Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
