I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
