I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
