your room smells of hookers.
And success
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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