Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
