The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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