we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
