the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
