Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
