i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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