I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
