Just cropdusted the office
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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