i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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