I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
