It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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