I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
