I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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