I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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