Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
