Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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