I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
