it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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