I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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