And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
