i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
