there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
