so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
