True but thats because hes a fetus.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
