remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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