I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My ass is underappreciated
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
