I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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