Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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