just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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